I call on all Female College Students to Unite and Confess their Fashion Sins
Ladies, it’s okay. I understand. You have papers to write, tests to study for, and people to see. But is that really an excuse for the frightening level of conformity that has led many to call the following outfit a uniform? As autumn rolls around, you will return to your respective college campuses, and you will don the following ensembles. I want you to give yourself a hard look in the mirror, and ask yourself whether everyone else in your dorm is wearing the exact same thing. Time for some tough love.
And no, you’re not excused if you bought it in a different color
Ingredient One: The Denali Northface, commonly of the black variety
You will argue that it is versatile, that it lasts all winter- but let’s not pretend you don’t have to wear 14 layers underneath this paper-thin jacket of fluff because the wind cuts right through it. Note: If you have a separate “fake” one to wear to keg parties you should be extra-ashamed.
Ingredient Two: Uggs are Ugg-ly
These were cool 12 years ago, but their time has passed. I know they’re comfortable, but have some pride. You’re an ‘adult’ now, upgrade to riding boots. They only look like they match everything because they really don’t match anything.
Exception to the rule: I give you a free pass during finals.
Ingredient 3: Black Leggings or Yoga Pants
Go back in that shoe-box sized dorm room and put some actual pants on RIGHT NOW.
Ingredient 4: A Pandora bracelet
You want everyone to know that you’re upper-middle class; mission accomplished. Just because your combination of ‘charms’ is different from those of your six girlfriends does not make you unique.
Ingredient 5: Express/AE Jeans
I felt this had to be included for honesty’s sake, but they’re real pants, so wear them with pride.
It’s so boring and predictable.
Ingredient 6: A Longchamp Bookbag
Occasionally substituted for a more exclusive designer label, these are nonetheless owned by 90% of female college students. To be fair, it is fairly durable. But no matter what you tell yourself, it is not stylish.
Ingredient 7: A Coach Wristlet
I can’t help it. I love this.
I admit it, it’s practical (It fits so snugly in the pocket of your Northface) and can be any variation of designer wristlet. It’s still better than the lanyard it takes most college freshman a few weeks to replace. Please try to graduate to one without the dated signature C’s that scream for attention, though.
Am I wrong? Have I forgotten any ingredients? Let me know in the comments section!